Seems like more times than not, people are always searching for something more. Whether it be a better lover, a higher paying job, or even a bigger house, we have been raised to never settle…
I’m starting to believe that the human condition has led many of us to constantly try and pin things down. Uncover some elusive “definite” answer. And the more we strive to answer these questions we become trapped in our thoughts. Like trying to form a sentence out of the soggy letters in a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. I, myself, have become a victim to my own thoughts and worries for some time. I thought I was just keeping my troubles to myself but no matter how hard I try, these thoughts have reflected into my every day life. I’m not acting as carefree as usual, my concentration/focus is off, and I’m just not as concerned about people around me as I would like to be. In my free time, I find myself constantly stressing and to mitigate these thoughts I turn to other distractions… such as working out or becoming consumed in Grey’s Anatomy.
Worrying about the future can be beneficial at times, but constantly worrying and obsessing over it can be fatal. I know I am not alone in this. Almost everyone I know struggles with this and I believe taking things day by day with a positive outlook is essential. What about right now? What about today? Why not focus on the positive? Be grateful for the lives we live, the lives that we may touch, and more importantly the lives that may touch us.
We are dynamic beings and the world we live in is not static. I read once that we have to always be pulling the rug from underneath us… invite change. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I do know one thing… I am Amy Lim and that won’t ever change.
I just love this picture.. so cute I want to try it.
This has been happening a lot recently… must be from the sudden spike in number of male friends. Someone else seems to feel a strong connection to me… but I don’t necessarily feel that same connection back. I think I am good at engaging conversations… it’s not an act, I am thoroughly interested in what people have to say and what is going on in their lives. I think you can connect with someone pretty easily on the surface level… but what I crave is much deeper. Not just a feeling, but more of an understanding, if that makes any sense. I have faith that I will some day find it. There is someone out there who will understand my thoughts and motives.
Stranger Danger. Hello there long lost bloggie baby. Its been awhile… but I’m finally ready to dust you off and get you back on track with my life. A lot has happened over the last few months.. a lot of ups and downs and i think a lot of crucial lessons have been learned. I don’t really want to dwell in the past, instead I’m just going to expunge all that i feel now onto this clean slate. Or until my eyes become heavy and Mr. Pillow is calling my name…
Over the past few months i’ve realized that I’m not always honest with myself. There are times when I know what the right thing to do is… but I somehow choose to neglect my gut feelings and do the complete opposite. Stupid? Perhaps. Immature? Definitely. I just always like to see what happens IF I do this.. or that. My dad always told me that when I was young, I always had to do things ONE more time, even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do… guess I haven’t completely grown out of my bad habits. I need to really acknowledge and try to figure out what it is that I want from guys in general, and stick to that. I can’t keep being wishy washy and pretending like I want something when in the end it won’t bring me the happiness that I want and deserve. Every time I go back on the things that I say I want.. I am left with a disappointed taste in my mouth…the short end of the stick.
The main thing I can only work on right now is myself. I can’t say that I am completely happy right now… but that’s ok because I know that I can only go up from here. It’s ME time baby… time to peel back the layers and find out the new Amy needs.
I swear my emotions change way too fast. But I feel so happy now… got some clarity. I need to stop doubting so much and just live. ok thats all im lame
Grown up. Two words a child will always fear. I find myself thinking about my finances, expenses, other responsibilities more so than I would like. Its strange to think that my parents have been preparing me my whole life for this moment… Graduating college, getting a full time job.. eventually moving out and being completely independent. Am I ready? Perhaps. I think there is no better feeling that accomplishing something on your own, and being an overachiever as I am, I want more. I feel 1000 times more motivated at work…motivated to get to the top and be someone of worth.
Relationships. I’ve been thinking about them a lot and its just very interesting to see how various couples interact and how they make their relationship work for them. I think a great relationship lies in an immense amount of trust and communication. One of my good friends is on the brink of breaking up with her boyfriend but there is always something holding her back… mostly the feeling of “hurting him”. I definitely sympathize for her because of course no one wants to hurt someone they love. While I think that, we can’t always hold on to something because we don’t want to see the other person mourn. If things aren’t progressing or getting better… your relationship becomes static, void of change. Repetition of quarreling, bickering…of course there are good times, but can they really outnumber the amount of times you have been upset or hurt because you can’t see eye to eye with your partner. I didn’t think so. I know this may sound selfish but sometimes we have to think about oneself as well. Its definitely hard when you know the right thing to do but don’t wanna see the other person hurt.. but I think the longer you wait in that type of situation the more both people will suffer.
As for me… I’m at a point where I can be in a relationship, but the thing is, I don’t just want any relationship. I want the right one… someone who will brighten my life, share the great things the world has to offer, and provide a whole new perspective on life. I definitely feel ready at this point to be in a relationship but certain things about my current situation set off red flags. I just feel this uneasiness at times like he isn’t being truthful… or that lying just comes naturally, with ease. Wouldn’t you agree that those you hang out such as your friends and family have a large role in who you are. I know that my friends are awesome! they hold the same values as I do and would trust them with my life. But you see, I’ve never met many of his, and the things I have heard have shady written all over it. Could he want to hide this side from me? Mask away the really person he is? Blah I don’t want to be paranoid but I feel like my gut instinct usually prevails. I really really want to believe there is good in everyone…but I know deep down that isn’t really the case and maybe I need to make a big girl decision. aye no one ever said it would be easy? Or maybe it is when its right? Who knows… certainly not me.
Time to kick off the heels!
I’m really starting to believe that life is truly what you make of it. The things that happen to us, and the things that we see are an illustration of the way we choose to view life. People sometimes say that I have luck..but I really think that I just choose to see the brighter side to things. Optimism over pessimism. Think about it… say you wake up late one morning, you wake up in a panic. You ransack your closet looking for your favorite outfit, which appears to be no where in sight. You run to the kitchen to start your coffee… miraculously you’re out of coffee beans. Huffing and puffing all over your apartment you put something together and hop in the car. You start your engine…of course your gas light would be on. “Arghhh just my luck!” you muffle underneath your breath. You know the rest of story… you hit all the red lights and you can’t believe this is the worst morning of your life. We’ve definitely all been there. But honestly, why do you think all these things went wrong? All the negative energy you exude - just creates this downward spiral of unfortunate events. No use over spilled milk right? What i tend to do is… accept something shitty happens and just more forward. Plan and simple. Done and done.
I’m super excited I got a full time position as an Engineer. Glad I don’t have to be fixing up the resume and sending it out to hundred of companies. A big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’ve also decided I will try to make the best of what I have.. I should be fortunate to be where I am… even though I am not entirely sure Engineering is what I want to be doing my entire life. This job will at least buy me time as I do some extensive soul searching :)
Until next time
Seems like these past few weeks have been filled with the most extreme of emotions. Why must I question everything? I feel as though I can never just let things be…I must always replay everything back in my mind….drives me inane most of the time. Sometimes I wish I could turn that switch off and just be young and naive. But eh guess my naive days are over… learned my lessons the hard way, can’t forget them. I feel like an aged soldier speaking to his children…slowly tracing over the countless battle wounds…breathing in memories with each scar.
Am I damaged? why is it so hard for me to believe that someone really could like me for everything that I am. Must be the countless immature men I come across… they have ruined it for all the good men. so hard for me to let go… hard to believe that one man will want to be with me and only me. I know I have major issues. Just trying to look before I leap. However… I think I have already started my descent downward… hope someone will catch me.
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