Defining Infinity

I swear my emotions change way too fast. But I feel so happy now… got some clarity. I need to stop doubting so much and just live. ok thats all im lame

Grown up. Two words a child will always fear. I find myself thinking about my finances, expenses, other responsibilities more so than I would like. Its strange to think that my parents have been preparing me my whole life for this moment… Graduating college, getting a full time job.. eventually moving out and being completely independent. Am I ready? Perhaps. I think there is no better feeling that accomplishing something on your own, and being an overachiever as I am, I want more. I feel 1000 times more motivated at work…motivated to get to the top and be someone of worth.

Relationships. I’ve been thinking about them a lot and its just very interesting to see how various couples interact and how they make their relationship work for them. I think a great relationship lies in an immense amount of trust and communication. One of my good friends is on the brink of breaking up with her boyfriend but there is always something holding her back… mostly the feeling of “hurting him”. I definitely sympathize for her because of course no one wants to hurt someone they love. While I think that, we can’t always hold on to something because we don’t want to see the other person mourn. If things aren’t progressing or getting better… your relationship becomes static, void of change. Repetition of quarreling, bickering…of course there are good times, but can they really outnumber the amount of times you have been upset or hurt because you can’t see eye to eye with your partner. I didn’t think so.  I know this may sound selfish but sometimes we have to think about oneself as well. Its definitely hard when you know the right thing to do but don’t wanna see the other person hurt.. but I think the longer you wait in that type of situation the more both people will suffer.

As for me… I’m at a point where I can be in a relationship, but the thing is, I don’t just want any relationship. I want the right one… someone who will brighten my life, share the great things the world has to offer, and provide a whole new perspective on life. I definitely feel ready at this point to be in a relationship but certain things about my current situation set off red flags. I just feel this uneasiness at times like he isn’t being truthful… or that lying just comes naturally, with ease. Wouldn’t you agree that those you hang out such as your friends and family have a large role in who you are. I know that my friends are awesome! they hold the same values as I do and would trust them with my life. But you see, I’ve never met many of his, and the things I have heard have shady written all over it. Could he want to hide this side from me? Mask away the really person he is? Blah I don’t want to be paranoid but I feel like my gut instinct usually prevails. I really really want to  believe there is good in everyone…but I know deep down that isn’t really the case and maybe I need to make a big girl decision. aye no one ever said it would be easy? Or maybe it is when its right? Who knows… certainly not me.